Day 12…

The day is bright,

It’s bright and fair,

O happy day,

A day of joy,

The day is bright,

It’s bright and fair,

Oh oh, happy day,

Happy day!!!

I am sure this primary school assembly banger brings back feelings of nostalgia, reminding you of all the pranks you played when you were younger.Well this was the tune that was playing in my head as I left for work this evening. It is the 1st day of the week and I was feeling so gay (please check the meaning before you start ‘yarning’ balls) I don’t know exactly why, it’s not like I was going to be paid today or I had hit a mega deal. Maybe I had just missed work so much (strange right?). I don’t know exactly.All I know is that I left for work early today and I was feeling upbeat. ‘It’s a good sign, it’s going to be a good day’ I thought as I walked into the hospital. Did the usual greetings and entered my office.No sooner had I entered the office than the front desk officer came into the office, ‘There’s a patient who has been waiting to see you’ she said , ’Haba naaa! Shey you will allow me to even drop my bag’ I said in my mind before I replied, ‘Here to see me or here to see a doctor?’ ‘Here to see you’ she replied. I knew what she meant. ‘Please give me some minutes to settle down’ were my last words to her before she left the office. Apparently she heard the opposite cos as soon as I sat down, the patient walked in. ‘Nawa o’ I sighed as I started interacting with the patient; a woman who came in cos she hadn’t seen her period for the last 2 months. ‘What a pleasant way to ruin my good evening’ I said in my mind as I racked my head around why she could be experiencing that. I started asking basic O &G questions and then I got stuck. I started inputting all she had told me into the system in a bid to buy time and try to reason out more but nothing was coming. ‘Wo!, I cannor comman kee myself, where is my GUIDE’. I stylishly dragged my bag close, sneaked out my O & G guide, placed them on my laps, opened to  the page I wanted and went back into my ‘doctor mode’ looool…I was on a roll mehhhnnn! Questions back to back! (omoooo! E sweet to know your stuff oooo). I got a fantastic history from her, one any O & G resident/consultant would have been proud of! I explained to her the possible causes of the issue and then  I sent her for investigations; an USS to rule out pregnancy first, (that wasn’t rocket science guys, just logical reasoning*winks shining teeth) cos apparently she and her husband have been looking for a child.

Back to back, the next patient came in, another woman and in my mind I was like ‘today must be mother’s health day’, she had come in 2 weeks ago with symptoms suggestive of a PID (Pelvic Inflammatory Disease), Oga saw her then, checked her, ran some tests and gave her drugs but 2 weeks later, the symptoms still continued. Now here is a twist, I was with Oga then,2 weeks ago,I had just resumed, pretty much still green and jittery. In the midst of her history, she mentioned that she had been on an IUD (Intrauterine Device) for close to 18 months. Once she mentioned it, the next logical thing that came to my head was ‘The IUD is probably responsible for this, we should take it out and see what happens’ ( See ehn, I think, that medicine isn’t exactly rocket science. Once you are armed with the baseline, fundamental knowledge which is what we go to medical school for, the rest is majorly logical and deductive reasoning. There might be exceptions here and there, but most cases generally follow what I have said….i think). Back to the gist, In-spite of my logic, I wasn’t going to open my mouth and say anything, ‘me wey just resume, I wan dey form over sabi, abegggi’*in lasisi’s voice. Besides, Oga is more experienced than I am and must have his reasons for starting out with treatments. He is the one in charge.  Problem now is, she has come back with the same symptoms no change. The only difference between then and now is the person in charge of the case; then it was Oga, now it is me. I explained to her on what could be causing the recurrent symptoms; THE IUD. Solution? Take it out! I told her, ‘we take it out, give you appropriate antibiotics based on the kind of organism present and then we observe’. I went further to explain to her that Oga might have had his reasons for leaving the device since he was the one that put it in the first place. I also explained to her other forms of contraception she could use after the IUD is taken out (since she said she is not ready to have children now). Mind you, everything I was telling her was coming from my head(not guide). I was on a roll!. She was fine with my option and even wanted it to be taken out immediately cos of the discomfort from the symptoms. ‘Ehnnn!No o! I cannot do anything o’ I said in my mind before I told her, ‘Come in tomorrow morning,Oga will take it out for you’. I sent her for further investigations and gave her drugs for the pains she was feeling. She left, I felt good.My groove was back!

Almost immediately, another woman came in! ‘Nawa ooo, this people should allow me drink water drop cup na!’. As she was coming in, the front desk officer had rushed in and given me ‘the sign’; she was from one of ‘those HMOs’. Armed with that crucial info, I faced her. You know those kinda patients who have issues in all parts of their body? She was a classic example!

Me; So what brought you to the clinic today?

Patient; I have been having fever and headache for some days

Me; OK,

Patient; also, my side is paining me

Me; OK *giving her my side eye

Patient; and my joint…it has been paining me

Me; eheeennn, ok…(smh, turns to write)

Patient; ehnnn, doctor….my…

Me;‘Ahn Ahn mama! Which one dey do you na! Very soon you wee say you are seeing vision.Pick a struggle!no kee yourself’


Errrrrrm… I didn’t say that exactly,I didn’t even utter that. I wish I did.  I just looked at her funnily and continued writing. I just gave her antimalarial for her troubles. After she left, I was expecting another patient to come in, luckily for me, the door didn’t open. ‘finally!phew’ I said as I eased into my chair. I stepped out to collect fresh air and I noticed that Oga’s office was open, This was unusual, Oga has never come into the office at that time (9pm). I checked in and greeted him.I went ahead to inform him of the IUD patient I saw and my recommendation to take it out with reasons (I just wanted to run it by him incase I was wrong), he agreed with me completely! I felt so thrilled! ‘when did you tell her to come in for the removal’ he asked, ‘tomorrow’ i replied. ‘Ok, well-done,nice job’ he said. I left his office feeling on top of the world! ‘Goal ball jor, another scored point’ I muttered  as I went back to my office. There were no patients to see so I started reading Trevor Noah’s autobiography, Born A Crime (fantastic book I tell you, you guys need to read it) till it was time to leave. I packed up and went to Oga’s office to inform him of my departure. He gave me a ‘little something’ for the road *grins. ‘Thank you very much sir, Goodnight sir’ I said as I left.

P.S; Meanwhile, I don’t even understand, I will leave for work, my network will be hale & hearty, acyanosed and anicteric but the moment I walk past the gate and into the hospital, it will start doing like they locked it inside prison and the moment I close for the  day and step out of the hospital, it will just unbind its chains and start flying like an Eagle. I don’t get!.



6 thoughts on “THE LOCUM DIARIES (12)

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