Hi, my name is Oyinloluwa Adeyemi-Levites. I am an advocate of “no sex before marriage “. My husband and I courted for 3 years. That was a long time to court someone you love so much that it tends to create tempting moments. We used to see about 3-4 days per week. So it was a short-distance-relationship, if any word like that exists. LOL!
We started our relationship with marriage in mind, and we weren’t in to test the waters or see if we’ll work or not (in this day and age, there is no time for games). As born again Christians, having the same principles and convictions on sex before marriage and abstinence made setting boundaries very easy. However, you know the saying that it is easier said when you’re not in the situation yet.
Our friendship and love grew greatly, and so did the chemistry between us, so much so that our boundaries had to be reviewed and improved upon regularly because it seemed like the sexual charges that we both carried were explosive enough to burn down a whole town.
Our meetings were usually strategic-to talk purpose, plan, pray and prepare for the future ahead of us. They were strategic especially when we were going to be meeting alone in enclosed areas for the sake of avoiding unnecessary attention, we being public figures in the environment we spent most of our courting time. We had meeting spots at LUTH, where we could stay for hours unnoticed (or so we thought), so that we could avoid distractions. We had wonderful outings too, where we laughed, played and had loads of fun, God’s way. Abstinence shouldn’t be boring. It would not be boring if both parties have the same goal, with no iota of deceit or pretense. We overcame first because of our love for GOD! We love God so much that we make up our minds daily to stay pure. Thoughts of misbehaving came into our hearts, SEVERALLY! Our imaginations went wild on different occasions, but like Paul said, we ALWAYS made sure we BRING ALL THOUGHTS TO THE OBEDIENCE OF CHRIST! There were moments we knew we could not handle our emotions again, and we stopped seeing physically just to discipline our bodies. We practiced that on several occasions but we had one that was a month long! Imagine not seeing your fiancé for a whole month! We would talk and pray on phone, and even buy gifts and send through friends to give each other during such periods, but we would determine in our hearts that if we would need to stop seeing till we see at the altar on our wedding day, then so be it! That was very difficult, but we made it! That was how we did not have sex before marriage.
Our love for each other and the purpose for our coming together also served as a restraint. The future before us served as a ray of hope and kept us going. There were times I didn’t see him because of my state emotionally, or other times our meeting was cut short because we were no longer “OK” and the best thing to do is to flee youthful lusts. Having a time line for getting married also helped as it was like a countdown which increased our hopes daily that our days of travail in burning passionately with sexual passions shall soon be over.
Of course, you shouldn’t connect deeply with any man you are not convinced of spending the rest of your life with. God must be involved (every daughter of God should know how He talks to her). You have to consider this before committing to any man for the sacred matter called marriage. Your purposes in life must align, and you must first be best of friends.
Waiting till marriage is WORTH IT! It comes with unexpected unexplainable blessings, and peace of mind that you did it right. You both get to have so much trust and respect for one another that may not be gained if you didn’t keep yourselves. Most of all, you kept yourself as a precious vessel for God, He won’t despise it. Thank you.