Towards the end of the last quarter of 2016, a male friend and I got talking and we delved into this matter of ladies thinking a particular guy loves them even though he actually hasn’t said those very words. It piqued my interest because I had been in those shoes before and he coined it “Emotional Promiscuity” although I hear some call it “Emotional Polygamy”.
Emotional Promiscuity is the ability of a man (or woman) to lead the “victim” on into thinking there’s hope for a more concrete relationship while enjoying the benefits of being in a relationship even though there’s officially nothing on ground to suggest they’re in a relationship. *sigh*….
The definition is even as complex as the act itself… Let me share a story to explain it…
Yemi, a 17year old naive girl gets into the University and encounters the typical “God-fearing” tall, dark, handsome, well to do, tongue speaking 22 year old Steve. Steve doesn’t have a girlfriend but he has a girl that cooks for him and another “sister” that does his laundry and another one he studies with. These girls are in the friend zone, no strings attached.. Yemi is an adventurous girl who adds colour to his life and so he hangs out a lot with her, chats her up and calls regularly. They go out together for major outings and even on dates that they both call “hangouts”. After a while Yemi realizes she loves him, a realization Steve had long gotten to but wasn’t ready to deal with else he could lose her. The laundry girl was already cooning and all lovey dovey on him but he didn’t put her in the right perspective else he could lose her services. The cook is the best he’s ever seen and she knows it and feels indispensable.. It’s just a question of time before he pops the question, she assumes but Steve knew that telling her he didn’t love her in that way would make her leave. And so for all of these ladies in his life, he gives them bits and pieces of his heart.. Something significant enough for them to stay but nothing too intense to pin him down. In all of these, Steve has that one girl he would gladly spend the rest of his life with but should any of these girls find out and begin throwing tantrums, the normal response would be “I never asked you out” or “I never said I loved you”…
Countless girls have had similar experiences and so have loads of guys.
The man who has a friend who is a girl, maybe even his best friend. They ‘hangout’ together all the time, and she knows in her heart that he loves her, but because she doesn’t want all the hangouts to end, plus she loves the fact that he’s always there for her and supports her financially and emotionally, she keeps him hooked. In his own heart he thinks they’ve passed the ask out stage and they’re flowing carefree on the river of love. One day the guy wants a kiss or pops the marriage proposal and she says “You never asked me out!” or We’re just friends!”
These sort of people are users in my own opinion, and I feel the ‘victims’ should have known better than to let themselves become victims. My friend disagreed.
We began debating and asked ourselves the following questions…
1. Why do young people in our generation engage in this?
2. How can emotional promiscuity be dealt with?
3.is it True or False that the very root of complications in our emotional lives, lie in these very words, “emotional promiscuity”?
4. Do you think Emotional Promiscuity can pose a problem for future relationships? Or is it just a harmless game?
We would like your opinion. Leave your comments, like and share.
Edited by: Dr Sade