Dear Dr Sade. Do I have a problem? I want to love and be loved but……


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Hello doctor! I hope this meets you well.

Please, I need your opinion on this issue that has been bugging my mind.

I am 25yrs old and I have lived alone right from the age of 16yrs, lately I realized that I am a loner searching for love but I am very protective of my space and the feeling of wanting to be alone cos I don’t want to share my space with any one for too long even if the person is just a female friend.

I started dating at the age of 19yrs and I have only dated 3guys (as in a serious relationship) and it was more like a distance relationship but my first boyfriend and I lived together for a short period of time he was abusive so I had to leave him.

Do you think I have a problem? I want to be loved and I want to be able to love another person without being afraid of sharing my space with that person. How can I do this?

Ps…there is this guy I meet on Facebook and I noticed that I enjoy keeping a long distance relationship because I am afraid of having someone all over my space…

As I type this to you ATM I am sitting in my living room alone and I enjoy the peace of not having any one here but then again my heart feels so lonely like I want something but I can’t afford to give myself to it.:.

I just want to be happy! Maybe this is happiness ! maybe this is all I can give my troubled soul but I just wish that I know what it feels like to be normal, to be in a room full of people and not wanting to get out of there, I want to experience the feeling of having someone to go home to, or spend the weekend with,…my family members are just like me, everyone keeps to themselves ….

Please advice me on what to do. Other people’s opinion is needed also. Thanks.

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The above message was sent to my by an anonymous poster. I’d be giving my response below.  If you’d also like to watch me respond on video, kindly refer to my instagram page.
Dear poster, from your message, I deduced the following:

You have issues trusting your partner not to hurt you. This is probably due to your one experience cohabiting with an abusive partner.

You hate being vulnerable and you’re very uncomfortable in a shared space. You do not want changes to your routine.

You’ve been in an abusive relationship that was understandably emotionally damaging to you, and now peace to you is as simple as a lack of abuse in your immediate space.

It isn’t  true peace you feel when your heart yearns for something more.  Emptiness and quiet are not the same as happiness. You deserve to be happy. You do not need to settle for a mediocre existence. Do not give yourself the illusion of being happy, work towards the real thing.

Please put yourself out there and trust that you’ll find a great partner who will love you as you deserve. You need to risk hurt,  while trusting that your partner will respect your decision to trust him with your heart and not hurt you.

Also,  you need to break that cycle in your family.  I believe that when you find the true happiness your heart yearns for, you’ll be able to teach them to be happy too.

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Dear community, this poster has asked for help. Kindly leave your tips for her in the comment section.

Best regards, Dr Sade.

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