So, it should be obvious from the title of this post that I’m pissed and I need to vent. The curious cats among ye readers can read on and find out, but here’s my disclaimer: if you love your in-laws and their shit don’t stink, read no further. Do NOT read on if you can’t empathize or sympathize, cos this stuff is real! It’s feelings and hurts and pains and…….. u get?
Before I get even more pissed thinking about this stuff, let me just tell you what happened yeah, so I don’t seem a loony bin escapee to you generally sane unpissed peeps who might be (I hope!) reading this.
Yesterday morning, I woke up happy. The fiance and I had had a good night (talking! Get your mind outta the gutter, please!) and I was feeling pretty peachy. The fiance as usual got dressed and went off to work. I, being on break from the hospital, decided to rearrange his messed up wardrobe…I was feeling very wifely. The witchy sister in-law, knowing we were alone in house, barged into our bedroom and started screaming like a banshee that she wanted to use the particular pot I’d used to make jollof rice for dinner the previous day.
Now u see, there are other pots, same size and all that that she could use, but oh no, she wanted mine. When I asked her if she couldn’t knock, she had the gall to ask me if I had home training! That if I did, I wouldn’t be asking her to knock in her own brother’s house.
Chai, I saw red.
My first instinct was to slap the little girl, but then, I’m quite pregnant and shouldn’t be fighting or anything so I swallowed my vex, and told her to wait, that when I was done with the wardrobe task, I’d come sort it out for her. Next thing she did was tell me how stupid I am, how stupid my mother is and blah blah blah other insults I wouldn’t repeat. Worse yet, she called her mother and yelled that I was a big pig stinking up Brother’s house!
What does Mama do? Like a true African mother-in-law, she calls me up, asks me if my mother trained me, and orders me to go wash the pot, like yesterday, and she added that she knows I’ll tell my husband lies when he comes back, but that by the grace of her God, he won’t believe me. What’s she covertly saying? I’m a lying witch, who’s not trained in matters of home economics, who lies to her son….. You should understand this drama. Except you aren’t African. It’s the template from which 99% of Nollywood movies are drawn.
Me ke? A whole me?! I knew I could never win an argument where I was guilty before even being arraigned, but I also knew I’d be disgusted with myself if I just swallowed the whole thing and did nothing either. But what could I do? I could speak my mind, not all of my mind, just a bit of it. So I asked Mama why she had judged me without even allowing me speak my mind. I spelled out all the names her kid had called me, and asked her if I deserved them. I asked her why her kid couldn’t wash a pot for Christ’s sake, when her fingers weren’t cut?! Mama screams at my ‘rudeness’, but I’m quick to apologize. I had sha said my mind.
Long story short, I washed the pot o, my people. I no get choice. They won the battle, but they started a war. I’ll never look at those ladies who claim they’ll never even consider marrying a man with sisters or one who’s mother still lives with a bad eye ever again! I’m convinced these people are wicked and evil! I’ll never let them near my kids. I extended a hand of friendship to them, and they returned hostility and enmity to me. I can honestly say I have never done them any wrong, yet. Though that may change any day now.
So. That’s the story o. Please, dear sane humans, don’t forget to drools a comment… share your own stories, or tell me what I could have done differently to deal with these shitty in-laws from hell.