I’m having a baby!


I had a panic attack this morning. I’d never had one before and it took a while for me to admit that I’d just had one. The fiance lay beside me obliviously, but gently snoring, his nice full lips open and a drop of transparent saliva hung in the corner of his mouth sullenly threatening to start a rivulet down the side of his face. Ordinarily, this sight would have made me smile indulgently and reach for a paper towel to wipe it off before the drop rolled through his stubble, but this morning I felt paralyzed.
The crushing weight of fear sitting on my chest held me immobile while uncertainty tortured me till tears streamed down my face. My chest constricted, refusing to expand, and I could not draw breath. All I could think of, as my heart galloped violently within my ribcage, all I could think of was the strong fluttering of my baby deep within me.

The most perfect hatchling ever!
The most perfect hatchling ever!

This baby I’d just gotten disowned for. This baby my parents disapproved of. This tiny person who’s arrival was already changing my life in ways I couldn’t begin to guess.

Gradually, I felt the fear begin to fade and the feelings of uncertainty recede. As my chest eased, I took a tentative breath and then another, till my body remembered how to breathe, and my racing heart slowed to a trot and eased back to it’s normal rhythm.

Slowly, rational thoughts returned to me and I could again feel a sense of rightness suffuse me. I had made the right decision to keep my baby. There was no way I was going to give her up, and anyone who told me otherwise was not fit to be my family anyways.

I could sit up now, and I did. I sat up and looked in my sleeping fiance’s eyes, I looked at my gleaming and sparkling silver engagement ring with the good sized stud perched elegantly on it, I looked at the gentle swell of my abdomen, and smiled.

I AM HAVING A BABY, and I am so glad I am!

I’ve got a man who adores the ground I walk on, and the proof of that love is growing in me. I am having a baby I will never disown, a baby I will show what true love means. My medical career is looking better by the day and I just got promoted.

Yes my life may have a few potholes in the road, but from where I stand it’s a road worth travelling. I’m making a new family…and I’m glad I am! ♡♥♡

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18 thoughts on “I’m having a baby!

    1. I planned to say ‘I loVe it’ whether or not I did…but truthfully that was lovely, I was even having the panic attack wit you as I read it..lol.:D

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  1. Hmmm…what can I say, your emotions are real and unequivocal. This situation is not strange, it happens every now and then. I see the saying ‘ the stone the builders rejected have become the chief cornerstone’ coming true. Never give up the fight. You will surely laugh last.

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  2. The best years of my life were single parenting my daughter. You will never find better love. My daughter & I are still best Friends. Never let go of understanding what a gift your baby is. It’s such a joy to hear you talk about the beauty of it. I hope the people in your life who haven’t supported you will be as wonderstruck by the beauty of your motherhood as you are.

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    1. I wrote that post when I discovered I was pregnant, and scared. I have since had my Dear Son, Jesse. He’ll be one year old April 20th.Thankfully, more members of my family are on board than not….and things are great in my family. You’re right, parenting is awesome, though I’m tired more often than not. I just hope I don’t make a royal mess of it.

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      1. If you always remember the feeling you had when you wrote the post I read it will work. perhaps a tip will help, although it cost me some friends my true friend stayed with me despite the fact that I insisted that if I was invited to do something
        my daughter was coming. If you couldn’t feel my love for her I knew you didn’t need feel it for me. There was always time for personal needs like snuggling when she was off in the world of dreams. I have never regretted that decision and we are not only father and daughter but we are close friends. Life of the child gets better every year as they become more involved with life and able to express more. I will hold my wish for you and Jessie to be happy in my heart. BTW encourage him to write thoughts and feelings as soon as he is old enough.
        Be well 🎈

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